1. Use the STOP method: S - Stop at the first awareness of
feeling upset, angry, frustrated, tempted, etc. T - Take 3 deep breaths (to get
oxygen to the brain), then think of reactions you could choose, talk to yourself
about which is best for you. (This process will give enough time out for
many people to gain control.) 0 - Opt for the best choice. P - Put the Positive
choice into action.
2. Use the STAR method: S - Stop at the first awareness of feeling upset,
angry, frustrated, tempted, etc. T - Take time out to take 3 deep breaths,
think, and talk to yourself about choices you can make. A - Act on your choice.
R - Review the consequences (outcome).
3. Count to 10 before reacting to any provocation. 4. Take
time out to think and talk to yourself. 5. Place your hand over your mouth
while you think and choose a reaction.
6. Talk to yourself with statements such as:
"I am in
"I refuse to let another person, a habit, a drug, etc. control
"I can choose to ignore unkind words, feelings, etc."
"I will not
dignify the words/actions with a response."
7. Glue a STOP sign or a STAR to a piece of cardboard and
keep it in your pocket to remind you of the steps to self-control and to
hold during time out.
8. Think: If I respond in anger (yielding)
s/he or the habit will win. I have been provoked to respond. I can choose not to
respond. (People do not like to be ignored and this will really be
responding with an insult.)
9. Play games with a friend to
practice "making" one laugh (smile), blink, etc.
10. Reply to negatives by:
"I did not hear (feel) that."
do not accept that."
"I choose not to respond to ridiculous¬í (negative)
remarks, urges, etc. "
11. Remove yourself from the scene as quickly as possible.
12. Use your sense of humor to imagine the
provoker¬ís ears are growing larger, his nose is getting
13. Look at the provoker as if s/he were totally insane and
14. Quickly write out your feelings of hurt/anger.
15. Quickly draw pictures of your feelings.
16. Silently repeat The Lord¬ís Prayer,
or a jingle such as:
"I refuse to have a stressful day, So I¬íll let this
"Nut" go on his way."
"I¬ím definitely in control of me. Dummies can¬ít provoke me,
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, But unkind/untrue
words cannot harm me."
17. Think of how sad it is that the other person does not
know better than to say/do whatever it is that is provoking you.
18. Visualize yourself as winning a trophy for self-control
while the provoker is standing in a diaper.
19. Pray and see yourself releasing your
anger/hurt/frustrations up to God.
20. Yawn and stretch as if the attacker bores you.
21. Play the SELF CONTROL game over and over until you
understand that using self- control has positive consequences while failing
to use self-control has negative consequences.
22. Use skits and practice self-control techniques in
23. Practice positive self-talk.
24. Learn to compromise and practice using it.
25. Mentally think of ten positive consequences of having
26. Learn to accept what you cannot change and feel
27. Practice using self-control techniques over and over,
even in minor irritations, temptations, etc. Use them daily. The more your
practice the easier it becomes to exercise self-control in major crises.
28. Remind yourself that anger (overeating, drugs) can kill
or cause serious illness.
29. Faithfully attend support groups for anger-management,
overeating, drugs, etc.
30. Set personal goals to exercise self-control in at least
5 situations each day. Keep a record of the occurrence, outcomes, etc.
1. You give the power you have to control yourself over to
another person, group, etc.
2. You demonstrate immaturity. (Babies must be controlled by
3. You feel unsure of yourself.
4. You feel ashamed of your inability to control yourself.
5. You have low self-esteem.
6. You demonstrate irresponsibility.
7. People laugh at your tantrums, or think of your behavior
as inappropriate and infantile.
8. People will not trust those who cannot control
9. You are considered foolish in your choices.
10. Your problems control you rather than you controlling
11. You do not use what you have learned or did not learn
what mature people tried to teach you.
12. You have frequent conflicts/problems and situations that
will upset you because you allow it to happen.
13. You are manipulated any time you allow another
person/habit to provoke you to a negative action.
14. You lack self-respect.
15. You have fewer friends because you do not behave in a
positive, caring manner.
16. You have more health problems because you allow your
anger to raise your blood pressure, give you headaches, ulcers, etc. or you
overeat, you take poisonous substances into your body that cause physical
17. You are given fewer privileges because people do not
want to give privileges to people who act unwisely on behalf of themselves.
18. You face punishment or negative results much more
frequently than one who exercises self control.
19. You are not as happy as one who is confident and in
control of himself.
20. You have a negative attitude and it reflects in your
21 You bring shame to yourself and your family when you act
22. You do not know and use problem solving skills to
resolve your conflicts.
23. You do not know and use decision-making skills to make
wise choices for yourself.
24. You have more stress than
a person who maintains self-control.
25. You allow your emotions
to work against you.>
26. You feel guilty.
27. You feel tense and anxious much of the time because you
are looking for trouble or for people/situations to be against you.
28. You make more
mistakes when you are not in control of yourself.
29. You do less efficient work
than if you exercised self-control.
30. You do not forgive
yourself and others easily.
31. You are insecure and fearful.
32. You do not use a
sense of humor to aid in self-control
33. You do not know your
own strengths and weaknesses.
34. You act first and think later.
35. You do not know and use techniques to calm yourself,
therefore your anger or negative feelings often get out of control.
36. You act impulsively which causes accidents. Therefore,
you are a greater risk to yourself and others.
37. You feel incapable in
situations requiring self-discipline.
38. You do not trust yourself to handle tense or crisis
39. You have fewer friends and poorer interpersonal
relationships because you do not get along with people as well as those who
40. You tackle people,
41 You lack empathy.
42. You lack understanding.
43. You are not a good example for others.
44. You encounter more problems with the law than those who
45. You frequently make excuses for your behavior.
46. You feel you need crutches such as tobacco, alcohol,
drugs, explosive fits of violence/rage to help you "relax", "cope", escape,
express yourself, etc.
47. You misunderstand that feelings are normal but are to be
controlled by an inner strength and developed discipline.
48. You choose overt physical action over mental thinking
and then selective action.
49. You are much less content/happy than one who exercises
50. You choose to ignore warning signs of anger/hunger/urges
for drugs, tobacco, etc.